Contemplations on the Israeli Palestinian War
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Before we begin, I want to encourage you to bring a beloved sensory delight or stim on this journey we're about to have together. This is a deeply heartfelt writing, and may also be a difficult read. Please honor your sensitive nervous system and support yourself along the way and afterward.
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I’ve had less access to words the past two weeks, reduced executive function, and lots of feels. As a Jewish person, it started with feeling the big fear. The connection to Jewish ancestors that evoked a terror in me of “who do I know that would have a space to hide me?” and thoughts of “well I’m so glad Karolina and Atlas will have each other.”
Big feels. And then I kept learning and reading, realizing how ignorant I’ve been to the realities of what has been going on for decades in Israel Palestine. And I am horrified. Horrified to learn of the genocide of the Palestinians, that Gaza has been referred to as the largest “open air prison”, that “my people” who have been so oppressed for centuries have enacted the same oppression and genocide on another group of people. And while many Jewish people have white skin privilege and are white passing, the Palestinians are Brown. The racism here is rampant.
I am devastated at the violence. The Hamas attacks are absolutely awful. And Palestinians are human beings who’ve been denied their very humanity and right to exist for a very long time. And now in response to the horrific actions of Hamas, Israel, with the support of the US military, has created a humanitarian crisis for Palestinians that is unimaginable. This is not about being anti-Jewish or against my own people. But to know that Jewish oppression has turned into Jews committing genocide makes me sick.
As a therapist, I understand the horrific impacts that inter generational trauma can and does have. And I’m also feeling an existential crisis as I feel into this pattern of the oppressed becoming the oppressors. It’s how the US was founded. Oppressed white Europeans seeking freedom came to this land and decimated the Indigenous peoples whose land this was. These same oppressed Europeans captured countless Africans and enslaved them in this new “land of the free.” And now I have more awareness of the history that is typically kept quiet to us in the US, that what we call Israel is actually colonized Palestine. While the notion of the Jewish people having a place to call their own is absolutely wonderful, doing so at the expense of the Palestinians is not ok. I am a human-and a Jew-for justice.
My cells know the horror that Jews have endured. And I also know that my Jewish pain is no more “special” than the horrors endured by Black, Brown, Indigenous, and Muslim folx throughout the centuries. But I think Jews can sometimes forget this. I think we can forget that as a people who’ve been oppressed, that the only real pathway to freedom is an end to oppression. An end to oppression, not an excuse to perpetrate oppression.
It’s feeling deeply painful to be human these days, even more so than usual. I’m feeling deep awareness of my privilege and that I have safety, food, water, shelter, electricity, and even moments of pleasure. And that I am no better than the people halfway around the world who are in the midst of a war centered on civilians. While I can’t make actual sense of this existential despair, I do know that I will continue to invest in anti-oppression work, keep talking about the things that are scary but necessary to talk about, and keep supporting others to find healing around their inter generational trauma. As we navigate these tragic times, may we all be more curious than ever about how the oppressor and the oppressed live within us. About how we enact our pain on others, however unknowingly or unintentionally, and may we resolve to question and find growth in the incongruences we discover. Maybe through this, we can contribute to collective and global healing and repair. Being human is hard shit, and we can be so brave and so bold in acknowledging the painful truths. That “freedom” received through the oppression of others shouldn’t be called freedom at all.
With a tender tender heart,
Nyck
